Been a while since you’ve read the comic, but don’t want to commit to re-reading all the pages again just yet?

Behold: chapter summaries.

Chapter 1: Infiltration

Thomas awakens to a voice in his head and discovers he’s been abducted by aliens, or at least, one alien. Zircon (the alien, duh) gives him a choice: either he can perform routine tests on him, wipe his memories of the event and throw him back down to Earth, OR they could have a good time.


Sex. He means sex.


Thomas then learns Zircon can talk the talk but can’t walk the walk. His ineptitude and squeaking is adorable. Probes are standard equipment, although why does it have to be shaped like that.


During their boning, Thomas has a vision of getting free of his restraints and really pounding Zircon into the ground, and is bewildered to find he’s still trapped after climax. Zircon, exhausted, removes the probe and sends him home unconscious – where he assumes it was all a weirdly specific wet dream, until he notices alien glyphs on the ceiling with the words “Call me” written underneath.


The resulting post on social media garners 2 likes, 1 comment accusing it of being fake, and the attention of the local creep, Chaz, who finally manages to lure him into checking out his cult because they might have information about the glyphs.


3 days later, Thomas has not actually gone to check it out yet, as evidenced by Chaz blowing up his phone with texts. Luckily, the barrage is interrupted by a call from his girlfriend, Vanessa. She’s coming home earlier than expected!


After the call, Thomas follows the directions to the abandoned theme park Shit City Funland, and finds a trap door behind one of the rides labeled “Secret: Members Only”. He descends into the depths, expecting nothing but alien paraphernalia, and finds what looks like the whole damn town is there, including his boss, Cookie. It’s like 4 am, what the fuck.


Chaz brings him to an old alien communication station, which as promised, has the glyphs on it. Thomas uses his social media post as a guide to type out the “numbers”, hoping like fuck he hasn’t been visited by an alien hooker, and lo! The alien picks up! Not in a brothel and real as hell!


After establishing who can hear him and who can’t (Chaz can, Marty can’t, everyone else is distracted by boobs), Zircon transfers his “number” to Thomas’ phone and politely threatens the other humans into secrecy before hanging up.


Zircon calls Thomas back on his walk of shame home, suggesting they should discuss more “experiments” (fucking) – however, Zircon’s method of brain-to-brain communication over the phone gives Thomas a splitting headache, so Zircon suggests they meet up in person instead. He’ll wait in your apartment, because he knows where you live 8D


However, Vanessa gets home first. She is not happy about an intruder in her house. Thomas comes home to find the apartment in shambles and Vanessa pinning Zircon to the floor with a knife.


The humans and alien discuss events over cheese pizza. Zircon explains what exactly happened that night: while fucking, Thomas unconsciously set up a two-way mind link. Thomas’ paraphrasing of this explanation is less than favorable, given that it includes some of the condescension also present that night. Zircon has second thoughts and starts to leave, only to be stopped by Vanessa, who reminds Thomas that the relationship is open and honestly dude just give weird new experiences a chance. However, if Zircon endangers either of them by being here, she’s sending his ass to the FBI, with or without the rest of him attached.


After she goes to bed, Thomas kisses Zircon as a distraction so he can lay down some ground rules: mostly, don’t be an ass, don’t break into our house again, and don’t put anything in my butt without consent.


He falls asleep taking a break from cleaning the apartment, and wakes up to Zircon asking about “the business” (fucking). He falls asleep again in the midst of getting into position because Zircon is soft as hell. Vanessa comes in to tell them she made breakfast. Zircon says he hasn’t laid any eggs in Thomas’ brain. Vanessa goes back to the kitchen mortified anyway. Thomas continues to be a useless lump.


Infiltration complete. Next stage: assimilation.

Chapter 2: Assimilation

Breakfast Negotiations (SFW)

Despite Thomas’ expectations of a “hit it and quit it” scenario for their second date, Zircon not only is still in the apartment the next morning but also proposes to live with them for one Earth year, in order to have easy access to Thomas’ dick. He and the humans discuss this over waffles. Negotiations are tense, and caffeine is potent.

The Alien Problem part 1 (NSFW)

Vanessa realizes they never actually agreed to letting the alien live in their house, doing sex things to them. Zircon learns a very important word.

Timed Experiment (NSFW)

At the asscrack of dawn, the idea of “I’d like to do it” is ephemeral at best.

Boundaries (mostly SFW)

Thomas uses his time off to discuss what sex things are actually on the table, and has a list on paper to help. Like a NERD.

various sex things TBA

Wash Day (SFW?)

Vanessa has to seek the help of the apartment building’s local gossip.

Chapter 3: Adaptation

The Importance of Condoms (NSFW)

Ness and Zircon learn a valuable, painful lesson about aliens and allergies.

Crude Entertainment (SFW?)

Zircon escapes the apartment unsupervised.

An Unwanted Visitor (SFW)

Chaz comes sniffing around. It’s awkward as hell.

The Alien Problem part 2 (SFW)

The cult discusses the results of Chaz’s findings.

Vanessa's Very Bad No Good Idea part 1 (SFW)

Ness is tired of being out of the loop. Zircon has a solution. Thomas won’t like it.

more tba